Understanding and openly sharing emotions allow us to establish deeper connections in our relationships.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc are, co-founders of Better Yourself 365, Licensed Counselling Therapists, Authors of relationship books, and a happily married couple. All of their services are tailored to busy, overstretched couples. Tina and Michael help couples work efficiently as a team by teaching them the essential habits to create a strong, loving connection.
At Better Yourself 365, we believe that emotions rule our relationships.
They play the key role in what gets couples stuck in their negative communication patterns. They are the guiding force in happy relationships, and we need to understand them better.
Core Emotions: The Underlying Currents of Connection
At the core of every individual, there are emotions that serve as the driving force behind our moods and physiological states. These emotions are often hidden beneath the surface, only emerging when we intentionally tune into them. They are the vulnerable, raw feelings that draw couples closer when they are shared. Some researchers believe these emotions encompass seven fundamental aspects: Sadness, Fear, Shame, Loneliness, Hurt or Pain, Surprise, and Joy.
In healthy relationships, partners can tap into and openly share these core emotions. The key is that their partners can receive them without judgment. This exchange of emotions fosters a deeper connection and brings more fulfilment. However, it’s not always easy, as some of these emotions are painful and challenging to confront. This is where secondary emotions come into play.
Unpacking Secondary Emotions
Secondary emotions are the immediate reactions to protect us from core emotions that may be uncomfortable or painful to experience. The problem with these secondary emotions is that they can inadvertently push our partner away, becoming a significant part of the negative interaction cycles within a relationship.
Examples of secondary emotions include anger, frustration, overwhelm, and jealousy. When these emotions are expressed, they can lead to painful arguments, causing a rift in the relationship. This can lead to us being stuck in a cycle of negative interactions.
After a tough argument with Michael, I realized how important it is to handle the moments after a fight with care. In this post, I share what helped us come back together with honesty, understanding, and emotional clarity—tools that any couple can use to navigate the messy but necessary process of making peace.
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